THE POWER OF THE DROP

Have you ever been dropped , dumped  , fired , passed up, and at that moment felt like the world its self wasn't fair . recently dumped by my Husband who has moved on gracefully, at one point I felt I could not in good faith face the world.
I was preaching and singing and once again this man has left me. and its been 8 months and papers are filed and i still can't answer the question so many people ask " with all the faith you have you could not make it work" now for those who know me know I gave well beyond the normal when it comes to making it work and with out  dragging his name through the dirt because there is no glory in that, all I can say is it really got to the spot where i had to hear God's voice, and short he let me know that what ever happened he had my back.

In 2Samuel 4;4 it speaks about Jonathan's  son Mephibosheth who  when heard of the death of his grand father and father  began to flee  from  jezsreel but in their haste his nurse grab him up but dropped him and he became  crippled. he was 5years old at thee time . this text left me puzzled as to how he feel, if it was my  grand daughter and i was holding her to run on my hip she would had landed on her feet she would have leaped out my arms but if held her close to my chest then in falling i would have landed on her and then we would have had a serious injury to my grand baby. at five he probably could have out ran the nurse at five the strength in his legs would have been strong enough to run on his on.
often times when we are defeated by the drop it is because we were held to close to the heart of someone else or something else and if we would have taking a few steps back to look at the full picture in stead  of the close up view we had our eyes glued to we would have seen the danger or the warrens and would not have been tripped up in the first place. but because we were wrapped so tight and held so close we  ended up up crippled by the hands of the very one that should have been helping us.

later on in scripture it says David remembers his promise to Jonathan and began to enquire if there is  any one left from the house of Johnathan  now because David's men did not want any one form souls family to take the throne every one of the descendants of Saul was killed but because this man was crippled and living in lodibar he was not considered a threat .
must people look at you and can only see you as being dropped, fired , let go passed by , overlooked, and feels you are not a threat . he is now a man  and when David sends his men to get him  and invites him to sit at the table mephibosheth calls himself a dog. he has lost all awareness to  who he was and from where he came .
often time we only remember our life after the fall. we only recall the bad things that where spoken over us and forget that we are fearfully and wonderfully made in the likeness of  god himself  and just because we were found in the low place , it does not mean that Gd has forgotten about us.
the power of the drop was his crippled state kept he from being killed and because he was still alive he was given a place at the kings table for as long as the king reighed and a new home , I don't know

about yo but i thank god for the drop. although the pain was great and the healing process seemed slow in the end I can look back and say God had my back and I am now feasting at the kings table and the feat of the lord is going on and I say like the psalmist the lord is my Shepard I shall not want ,he makes me to Lay down in green pastures he leads me besides the still waters, he restores my soul i say he prepares a table before me in the very presence of my enemy . and even though i walk through the valley and the shadow of death , the death of friendships , relationships , jobs ,  finances i will fear not , for his is with he anointed my head with oil my cup runs over SURELY GOOD AND MERCY FOLLOWS ME AND  SHALL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OD THE LORD FOREVER..

THAT BELOVED IS THE POWER OF THE DROP . BE HEALED BE BETTER BE BLESSED

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wow it has been hard

OWNING IT, I DID THIS

This is a post I have been sitting on from the start of it all, how do I start well I have been married for 14 yrs and I guess the beginning of  our relationship is a good bless to start.

we met in a church in CT I saw him messing with our drums and went over to him to find out if he had permission to touch our drums. according to him he noticed me as soon as I walked away, needless to say we were married six months later.  I the curse of our dating I made huge mistakes. 1. I went against my leader and his leader. who warned us both that we should not be together.  he left me after his Pastor said we did not belong together I well never forget it, it was Easter morning when he told me . I cried and worked my web the following week he was back, a few weeks later itr was more than evident the my pastor  did not care for it either, but because I was so bullheaded he let me make my own dission and said if i say now you will do it anyway . the truth is I wanted him to say no. but I knew I had to be the one to end it but pride would not let me. 2 i moved him in my house before marriage, yep I did that, at the time I told myself that it was because his mom put him out but I knew it was wrong. I was a single parent and I should not have brought a man in my house, and thinking I could handle it without sex was  STUPID so now here I was living in sin and preaching well carrying the title preacher because my pastor had me on lock down.

so I thought I would do God a favor and get married. instead of disciplining my flesh and emotions   less than a month later the drama begin we have to move and and when I see he is not helping we began to fight and in our arguing he makes the statement I only married you because I knew you would not have sex anymore. from that day he has been trying to take those words back but the truth is  I laid that path down . 3 I  did not listen to God the day of my wedding as i stood in a empty church four guys and a bride in a broom skirt and tee shirt he was crying and to this day I believe it was for the same reason I was standing there like a deer caught in headlights  I heard God say NO.

I have been reaping it for day one.

countless other women eviction he has walked out and even brought  a ring for some one else  over the years I have joined him in this game of tit for tat  I have tried to be with other men to teach him the lesson of . see how it feels. but it only made me feel  worst.

 so after repenting and trying to make it work I have made up my mind this must end. as we face having to move again I will be moving on.

the fear of starting over has kepted me holding on but holding on has kept in depression, and pain of seeing the other women all who are church girls or girls that go to church. I have been without I had more money and peace when I was a single parent trusting God.

2009 he left and I took him back but in the time he was gone MY world was coming together, I was happy and working had to deal with his girlfriend at the time but God had my back in it all. but feeling like he left me for that,(pride) made me feel like I had to go back. she was not the one for him but neither was I , finally for the bast six month out of 14 yrs there has been no other women and he is determined to do whats right  the past three months he has been working full-time.

We have talked about spiting in peace but he keeps coming back but I know I must go the pain of feeling like I have let my husband down, my church down, and my God down by leaving makes me want to walk away from it all. I don't know how to right this wrong I did, without  feeling like I'm doing wrong.  a prophet once said God said go and he will be your husbandman and at that time I questioned what she meant I even called her and wanted her to clear that up for me because I thought all was good at home. she would not, she actually rebuked me and said never do that again she said God and I knew what he was saying two days later all was reviled I did not go but now I know it will never get better until I let go each time we parted as much as it hurt he was better and I was better it was bitterness that kept me coming back feeling like the one who no one will pick. each time a new girl was in his life I felt like he was calling me ugly.

well I must do this to mentally get back, to spiritually get back and to be honest I'm tired. I realize that I may be single from here on end but I think I have learned to deal with being alone.

Happy New Year

Just wanted to let you all know that we are very close to the book coming out. I know I have not been on for about six months, however the Lord has been Good to me.

I thought I would never be able to sing again ,but the Lord healed. doctors said I may have needed heart surgery and the lord healed .

I have been working hard  so keep me in your prayers .

Why are you so angry.

sometime ago we wrote a blog about how prayer became my trigger. today I want to teach about triggers and how we ca avoid the ill effects of them

I guess we can star with the definition of the word trigger.
Trigger: anything, as an act or event, that serves as a stimulus and initiates or precipitates a reaction or series of reactions. (http://dictionary.reference.com/)

 it is amazing how the Aurthur of the definition first choice of words is Anything, for a trigger can come the form anything. It can be a song, a sent, a color. a certain phrase or saying and or a particular flavor almost anything can be a trigger.

as I study the workings of the brain and the way people think in my psychology class I learn that many factors play in the role on how  one will responded to his or her trigger. here is an example of what I mean  two girls raised by the same man this mans always wore the same Cologne. the man beats one girl all the time and rapes the other  girl almost nightly . he is reported and locked up for both acts of abuse on thees girl . now as grown women when ever one daughter smells the sent of the fathers Cologne she becomes very violent and the other girls when ever she smells the sent becomes very afraid .Which girl has which response. you would think the one that is beaten  is the violent one and the one that is raped is afraid. well it is toe reversed . see the one that was raped never fought back until she got up the nerve to report him to her this was her why of fighting back so now when the trigger of his sent is around she feels safety in the fight or anger. for the one who was beaten she always fought back with no avail, it was the marks on her body that caused her sister to report her dad so for the sister that was beaten when she smell the sent so was afraid that the dad was some how coming to beat her.
many of of us have triggers in our lives some not all bad. there could be a certain cake that triggers a memory of your mom or  your grandma, a song that reminds you of your wedding day. so not all triggers or bad . but how do we avoid living in the trigger pulled moment.
when I look at the word trigger the gun is the first thing that comes into play . when I hold a gun in my hand if I want to use it I have to know all the workings of that gun where to put the bullets, what kinds of bullets are needed for that gun where the trigger is and how to hold the gun and pull the trigger to adequately hit my target. many time innocent people are killed by a stray bullet that went in the wrong direction or the aim was off by the one who pulled the trigger.  there is a saying guns don't kill people  people kill people. the truth of the matter is my gun can be filled with bullets but i I don't ever pulled the trigger  no one will get hurt.
we react to things of our past and never realize that we are just pulling on triggers and we think that we are the only ones who feel the effects of that pull, believe the secret is still just our own.

it may be true that everyone may not know your story but it may not mean that they don't feel the effects of your pain lets look back at the two sisters know grown women with children of their own how do you think the raised their children .one who is violent at times and  locks her self away feeling ashamed and dirty teaching them to always fight ,
another who is afraid and fearful. never disciplines her children. the children don't learn the story of the sisters until they themselves go to therapy and in a family session they learn the real reason why the are so angry .
I have learned to first identify the thing or the root of the thing that is causing me to hate. fight, distrust. etc..
then deal with the emotion. as it comes and then begin to practice a different response. writing .crying. walking it off. praying. what you choose remember this practice makes perfect.
be better , be healed be blessed

talk to yourself

grace and peace


I know it's been awhile but so much is going on in my life I had to take the time to make it happen. while Friday, March 25,2011 I turned 44, and my husband put together a concert in my honor.
I received all types of gifts and so much love. as I went to sleep that even I dreamed about my son it was as if he just wanted to join in on the celebration.
I had a very blessed day . often time we wait until birthdays and special days to tell someone how much we care but we never take the time to tell our-self how we feel . there have been days in my life when I did not like me at all I felt as if no good could come from me and that I would only be average at best.

Then I began to learn the power of speech and action. I began to understand this power by a small act  I would do in the mirror on some of my hard days I would give myself a speech and say today Mrs Jones you are the best. you are fine you look like a million bucks and when people see you today they will see a million bucks. and those days were mostly filled with great success . I say mostly because i had to work it after I spoke it. sometimes I had to go to the interview and remind myself to hold your head up remember  million dollar baby. or if it was a day when the boss was trying to stop me, I had to speak talk about the great Idea a let them know how great my mind was, instead of sitting back and waiting, sometimes i had to buy the things needed to build the basket and just walk down the street til someone stopped and ask where did you get that. it was in those moments I saw things happen .
Today may not be you birthday or a special time in you life. you may not even have any thing special to do or anywhere special to go . but take take the time and tell yourself how special, and wonderful you are. tell yourself  what you will accomplish and then move on it. push your self to greatness all you need is a push and the wind of God will guide you through.

THE WHOLE TRUTH

I try not to preach a sermon on my blog but as I look back of the past post and see where the lord has brought me from, I can't help but tell him thank you.last week was a hard week for me but the lord brought me out. and the saints testimonies were uplifting . in the words of the mothers of old( I believe I'll run on to see what the end is going to be )
there was a  woman with an issue, this issue of blood caused her to be an out cast broke and desperate. after years of trying to find help. years of not being able to hold a relationship , years of mothers pulling their children close to them as she walked by, years of being the talk around town, because she was considered unclean .
She decided to do the unthinkable. She went in the mist of the crowd ignoring the danger, the gossipers, she press through all of the blockage and touched the cleanest vessel, in all her uncleanliness  she touched the messiah and her issue was dried up, but even in her healing she realized she had done the unthinkable by touching him so she was afraid when he asked who touched me , and yet even in her fear she had to confess it was I . because of this confession she was not only healed but she was made whole.
often times we walk in our healing but we have yet to be made whole. we jumps through hoops to get our healing from God but we never confess to him the pain we cause in our sickness, we place the blame on others and sometimes on God . and although God is a forgiving God we ourselves find it hard to forgive our own self. so then the enemy uses that inner guilt to keep us bound. Tell God all and be made WHOLE.