HOW PRAYER BECAME MY TRIGGER.

One thing I remember in my house was the family prayer if my Dad was home we did not leave that house without going to the altar in our home . mmm our altar wast a buffet table with a runner on it a statue of Jesus head right hand up with two fingers up the back of it opened up inside was two small white candles and a bottle of oil never used not even sure they knew it was there.
it didn't matter who was there everybody had to come to the altar and pray. one day I had a problem with my gum there was a knot in my mouth it hurt while in prayer I used my tongue to massage it , well it must have look like i was making a face.  The next thing I ember was my dad back slapping  me saying something i couldn't hear him due to the ringing in my ear and the piercing pain in my butt from when it hit the corner of the table was he slapped me, needless to say the pain in my mouth was no longer a issue.

my mom softly said to me why did you make that face you know how your father is I opened my mouth to show her the abscess in my mouth she said why didn't just say that ,and risk getting slapped again for talking back I look at her with tears in my eyes and said I think my butt bone is broken , poor baby she said but we never got it checked i just dwelt with the pain for weeks . to this day I don't mind praying I just don't like people to ell me how to pray just let me pray my time with my god and when i don't know what to pray for the spirit will make intersession for me but this is not my trigger.
see my parents were sticklers for prayer.my father prayed not only in the house but he had the keys to church and would go to the church after leaving the house and pray there and if you went out with him you had to go too. but this same man who stayed at the altar had a secret.
I guess the day the secret got out was one night i was going to the bathroom and it was late i heard a lot of noise coming from downstairs as I was going  up  I could see cops flashing their lights my dad was on the porch talking to the cops,  she  is fine sir she just got a little up set and ran down the train tracks I looked at him like what you mean train tracks so i started yelling MOM MOM where are you the cops kept saying what upset her do you think she is trying to hurt herself no we just had a argument and she ran off . DING DING DING. the bells in my head rang off. my mom did not argue if you yelled at her she would just start crying and two, she never just walked away from my dad for fear he would slap her. so after hearing him say that I got quite and went in the door way to wait for her. a few minutes went by and she came back i notice she had wet herself she just went to her room the next day I heard a phrase that I began to hear anytime my sister got in trouble . she would say you know what I saw you better behave yourself. never thought nothing of til one day late at night we had just came form somewhere. and we were in the basement and my dad said anyone want pizza  YES and I said can I go no no you stay here your sister is going don't want to bring all of you. well we waited and waited for what seemed to be forever. not even sure if we got the pizza . the next day  was like any regular day went to school I was late as usual but before school way over my cu sin came to pick me up . whats wrong is my mother OK (she had a bad heart) I thought she had a heart attack or something.
when i got to the house I saw cops all over my front yard.I thought she died I ran and saw her sitting in the hallway I was confused did not even notice that my dad was in the back seat of the car.crying please forgive me . what happen where are you taking my dad whats going on  my mind was like a storm everything was going through my mind somebody tell me something ! no one was talking they just let me go thru my fit. when I calmed down my cousin came to the basement and said has your dad ever tried to touch you? NO, well he commented incest with your sister never heard this word before so I said what do you mean? he then said he raped your sister. last night  he took her to the church and had sex with her . she had been going thru this for a while and finally told me and i called the cops I couldn't believe it . My dad , the man I waited up for every night to get the candy bar out of he lunch bag, the man who gave me a rosary every month. the man who prayed everyday. Then it hit me how close it was to being me two weeks prior to this he did'nt give me a rosary but he gave me a off white bikini set and said you
from that moment my life changed.I was a wreck mentally . and my sister was gone they moved her out the home and I had to go to the prison to visit  this monster I refused to go See him this made my mom sad so i went in but i had nothing to say. he had turned gray overnight but I thought to myself what ever scared him gray I hope is kicking his butt. I had to see this man but who was seeing my sister the pastors wife came over who was also my aunt and told her to get rid of her photos .I lost it right in that living room I told my mom and my aunt she was the victim as well  how can you forgive this man and try to erase her what kind of god do you serve .  my aunt  said don't let that girl talk to you look that that's the problem with her you spoiled her my mom looked at me and said your right but i don't know what to do it hurts but i made a vow to this man for better or worst. I said just don't throw them away I take them and put them away she is still my sister and I have to think about her.I only saw her about three times in a 10yr span she was on drugs locked up, and had three boys. and the pain of me not being there for her cause me to wild out I wanted it to be me , to this day I have a problem when it come to to much out ward praying . people praying prying and praying with out no real deliverance. are we really seeking deliverance or do we want to be seen as one who can pray. today my prayers or mostly personal just me and God and after prayer I do spiritual homework assignment and work the things in me i just asked god to help me with . I have a issue with others who I see pray all the time and yet they are nasty and mean and in denial about their own nasty ways that everyone can see but them. don't get me wrong I know that deliverance comes differently for everyone. and I'm in prayer all the time about my issue with prayer. it is the one thing I still struggle with. we all have things in our past that or triggers that hold up our future, things are to painful to face,some brought on by others and some we brought on our selves. but to Trula be set free we have to face them and identify the things that set us off, shut us down or just causes us to frees, and then find a way with the help of God to move on the triggers will never go away but the effect can change. Be blessed Be Healed and Be Better.
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