DEAR DIARY/ TRUE STORY DON,T TRY THIS AT HOME

IN THE YEAR 2001

I HAD JUST LOST MY MOM AND EVERYTHING ELSE MY LICENCE AND KIDS AND HUSBAND I WAS FEELING ALONE AND WORN OUT . ALL THAT DAY AFTER LEAVING COURT AND LOSING MY LICENCE AND MAKING A FOOL OUT  MYSELF IN COURT BUY CRYING LIKE A BABY I, THOUGHT TO MYSELF I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE,
I WENT TO THE STORE ABOUT SIX TIME EACH TIME GETTING A SINGLE PACK OF SLEEP AID AT HOME I HAD MY MOMS OLD SLEEP MED, THAT NIGHT I MADE UP IN MY MIND THIS IS IT I'M DONE
I WROTE A LETTER TO MY CHILDREN ONE BY ONE AFTER EACH NOTE  I TOOK A PACK OF PILLS ANDI CALL A FRIEND OF MINE HOW I KNEW WOULD NOT ANSWER THE PHONE.
THEN I WROTE ONE TO MY PASTOR TOOK MEDS CALLED THE SAME FRIEND,WROTE MY BEST FRIEND AT THE TIME TOOK MORE PILLS THEN MADE A CALL. THEN WROTE A LETTER TO GOD THAT WENT LIKE THIS.
DEAR GOD
I LOVE YOU
DO YOU LOVE ME
THE CHOSEN ONE
THEN I TOOK WHAT WAS LEFT OF THE PILLS I HAD LEFT CALLED MY FRIEND AND SAID IF HAD TO CALL SOMEONE WHO WOULD LET THEM KNOW I DID THIS.
IT WAS ABOUT 11:00PM AND AT 4AM I WAS UP FULL OF ENERGY MY HEART WAS RACING AND I COULD NOT GO BACK TO SLEEP. I WAS SO MAD . I SAID GOD WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME DIE.
I SAW MY LAST NOTE TO GOD THEN HEARD HIS VOICE SPEAK YOUR STILL HERE . HE SAID LET THIS BE THE LAST TIME YOU TRY THIS . THAT WAS MY LAST TIME  I HAVE TRIED TO END MY LIFE THREE TIMES IN MY  LIFE . ME THE SINGER THE PREACHER THE TOUGH ACTING ONE , THE GANG MEMBER THE DRUG DEALER'S GIRLFRIEND. THE ONE WHO WENT TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY WITHOUT FAIL. SOMETIMES I SAT IN CHURCH THINKING OF WAYS TO END MY LIFE.
NOW MANY SAY THAT GOD IS GETTING NO GLORY WHEN I TELL THIS STORY WELL THE LORD HAS RELEASED ME TWICE TO SHARE THIS TESTIMONY WHILE PREACHING AND EACH TIME  AT LEAST  THREE PEOPLE HAS COME TO ME AT THAT  TIME TO SHARE THAT THEY WANTED TO END THERE LIFE THAT DAY OR SOON, AND THERE ARE SOME THAT CAME TO ME LATER. SO IT IS SAVING LIVES.
I ALWAYS TEACH AFTER TELLING THIS THAT EVEN THOUGH IT SEEMS GOD IS FAR FROM HE IS ALWAYS THERE JESUS HIMSELF HAD A MOMENT WHERE THE FATHER WAS SILENT AND DID NOT ANSWER . BUT HE HAD TO STILL CONTINUE ON TO BARE HIS CROSS. THERE ARE TIMES WHEN WE HAVE TO BARE OUR CROSS AND THERE ARE TIMES WE HAVE TO REAP WHAT WE HAVE SEWN BUT WE MUST UNDERSTAND IS GOD TRULY WILL NOT PUT NO MORE ON US THAN WE CAN BEAR.
THE PROF IS IN THE FACT THAT YOU ARE STILL HERE. AT ALONE SAYS HE STILL LOVES YOU AND HAVE USE FOR YOU TODAY MAY BE THE HARDEST DAY OF YOU LIFE BUT TOMORROW IT WILL ALL BE A TESTIMONY OF HOW YOU MADE IT OVER.
BE BLESSED, BE HEALED AND BE BETTER,